Not Me Monday

You all know how great of a Mother I truly am. Therefore you would also know that I do not leave the house (on regular basis) without toddler ammunition (Sippy, snacks, pull-ups, toys). I definitely would not expect the child to behave normally on a completely empty stomach, and there is absolutely no WAY that I would take him to a grocery store at 12:30pm, lunchless. Of course the last time he ate was not at 7:30am. I did not proceed to 'try and shop anyways', even though it was not my child flailing, grabbing, screaming, whining down each and every isle. We did not stop and load up on hand sanitizer after not believing every scare tactic the media could pull out regarding the Swine Flu. The child did not continue to be on his very worst behavior almost knocking down each bottle. The old, cranky man next to him did not proceed to give me the stink eye... you know the one...."back in our day children were seen and not heard".. yah he didn't dare give me that look. And he definitely did not have the nerve to "TSK TSK SIGH EYE ROLL" me either. Of course being the most respectful of women, I did not give him the "TSK TSK SIGH DOUBLE EYE ROLL- SO THERE!" right back! After not storming away, muttering unmentionables under my breath, I did not make the executive decision to leave the store before I turned around and punched said old man. I did not learn a very important lesson that day... "Always pack snacks". Nope, Not ME!

It was not my well-behaved, reserved child who proceeded to pull down his pants outside while helping me garden this afternoon. I did not plead with him to leave his pants on, and he definitely did not announce "TA-DA TA-DAAAA!!!! WHOOHOOO!!!!" after not removing his pants. Nope, Not my child!

While on our city transit adventure for The Child's 3rd birthday, I did not try to explain to him about germs and how they can sometimes make your tummy sick. He did not proceed to touch every railing, handle, chair, bench insight.... licking his hands and saying "MMMMm Germs!". Of course, I was not THAT mom running after him, not spraying hand sanitizer on everything, including him. Nope, Not ME!

My wonderful child loves music. He loves music so very much that he is almost obsessed. Ok. He is obsessed. He will have one song that he obsesses over for about a month or two, and then (thankfully!) moves on to a new song, a new obsession. His most recent song obsession has been "The Circle of Life" from the Lion King Soundtrack. (Once we thought it would be fun to watch the movie, until I did not have to fast-forward 95% of the show. How do you explain to a 3yr old that the baby lion's daddy just died?!?!? Ummmm... you don't... fast-forward!). Needless to say, he is in absolute love with that song. He does not ask to listen to it on repeat while driving in the car or at home... he does not constantly sing the opening 3 lines over and over and over. Since I have sooooooo much patience, it does not drive me absolutely mad. Especially since the song does not get stuck in my head, constantly, never ending. So of course, when the husband and I were having...ahem..."special-time" one evening, I did not still have that ridiculous song running through my mind. I did not have to try my hardest to not sing it out loud. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate on "special-time" when it is being choreographed in your mind to "The Circle of Life"?! Try it sometime! Turn off the Marvin Gaye and blast Elton John wailing "...It's the Ciiiiiircle of Liiiiiiiiifeeeeee.... and it moooooooves us alllllllllll....."!

Let me know how it goes... minus a few gory details.