I will be joined with 20 or so other amazing, deep women from around the world, hungry for more. The Child and I begin our adventure on Tuesday, when I will be flying with him to Kelowna, settling him in with Grandma/Grandpa and then leaving for Ghost Ranch in Abiquiu, New Mexico.
By myself.
For a week.
I never imagined that New Mexico would be one of my travel destinations. Part of me is a little sad that it is not like the regular Mexico, all hot and palm trees and ocean. But after looking at some photos of where I will be staying, I think I can settle for awe inspiring, red rock view.
A lot of my blog is dedicated to my Mommy stories. The crazy, fun, sometimes hair-pulling times. Something that I don't talk a lot about here is what I do outside of the Mommy/housewife stuff. The purpose of this upcoming trip is to actually take my advanced training with Birthing From Within. I am in the process of becoming a certified mentor (aka childbirth educator... I prefer mentor as educator sounds very stuffy). So if you are unsure of what I do, I hold classes for parents to prepare them for the journey of pregnancy, childbirth and parenting. I am also a Doula, supporting women (physically, emotionally, spiritually) through the actual birth of their child.
I suppose I don't talk much about this on my blog as it is very close to my heart and runs very deep within. My blog is a place of light-hearted stories and recounting of the days with my son. To write about the deep shifts, the learning, the breathing, the emptying that I do (sometimes on a daily basis), feels like it is too huge for words. I am not the type of person to constantly be in that 'deep' frame of mind when socializing with friends and family. But get me one on one, with a good cup of something (tea, coffee, wine.. you pick!) and I'll take you to those deep places. In some ways I am excited to be in a place where I can open up those deep spaces, sharing with other women who are on journey parallel to mine. When else in my life will I be given this kind of opportunity? That in and of itself blows me away.
Beyond the excitement of traveling, meeting new people, learning and soaking in new things, sits just a tiny little bit of hesitation. This will be the longest that I have ever left The Child. I completely trust Grandma/Grandpa and know he will be just fine. But there is always that nagging feeling, that loss of control when I am not there. I feel it is so wonderful for children to grow up with a variety of influences and authorities in their life. My control issues are not so much about sticking to a routine, discipline, eating, sleeping etc. Rather, what if something happens? Something good or bad. I'm not there with him, knowing exactly what he needs or does not need. This train of thinking requires a lot of breathing, praying and letting go on my part.
Altogether, we will be gone for about two weeks. Taking a few days in Kelowna before and after my big trip to New Mexico to visit and rest between flights. Not sure how easy it will be for me to blog, especially in NM (apparently where we are the internet/phone connection is through microwave transmission. Fun times). That said, I'm sure you won't miss me too much as my blogging as been pretty few and far between lately.
I am going to try and post a few pictures sometime this weekend. I did a little seasonal Halloween decorating yesterday.. there is still a bit more to do. If you would have driven past my house you would have seen me standing on a chair on my porch, hanging large, hairy spiders. You would have not seen me swatting at my head like a crazy person because the wind made them fly around, hitting me in the back of the head. Even though they are completely fake, I was still not creeped out. *Shudder*
Stay tuned for some creepy crawly pictures and once I return from the big journey, I will do my best to write about all that happened. Ok, maybe not all, but I will at least pick my hi's and low's.
I think I can at least do that!
3 comments:
have a great trip girl...that view is beautiful and I know you will have fun :)
You will be so close... well, closer than normal... to me:) NM is gorgeous!! I hope you have a great time! You will be fine w/o The Child. Enjoy the time for all it's worth!
How did I miss this blog post? My dearest Skyla... I was standing on that same threshold 3 and a half years ago. Meg was even younger than Eli. I didn't know how I would do it.... And then I left her and Dave and forgot all about them. Haha! I really did. It was so easy!
I find it interesting that you dream that you do not blog about soulful things. I smile and laugh a lot when I read your blog. No question about it, it feeds that part of my soul that needs to know I am not alone in this mad journey through mothering. That there are other HONEST people out there making this shit up as we go along and just trying to be present everyday and show up as a parent. I think it is not a question of how deep... it is a question of which chasm you are falling into. You choose this one. This one that shows us your cracks and admits to much more than I would or could sometimes. Some blog post about nudity and poo comes to mind.
Some transformation is supposed to be completed in total darkness, complete mystery, hibernation... Allow yourself that cocoon and do not make apologies for it. There are no windows into the underworld Innana.
Post a Comment