Its not like we as women even really have a choice as to when the evil twin arises, she just does. One day we feel like Super Mommy, the next... we're pure evil.
My evil twin reared her ugly face this morning. As I sit here, with my cup of desperately needed coffee, trying to drown her away and figure out what happened before 9am to call the Evil One to the surface. Are there specific reasons as to why we can't be Super Mommy all the time? Why does it seem like we just don't have a choice? Looking deep into my morning thus far, there are a few common denominators as to what brings out the Evil One. Its like a secret potion recipe, mix all together and.... *poof*... she appears!
Combine going to bed ridiculously late with a toddler climbing into your bed a few hours later, this guarantees a crappy sleep. Add on to that, an early sunrise and an equally early rising child.... can you see the mixture in the caldron turning an ugly green yet?
Next throw in the whiney, whimpering, crying voice of the child who's very first words are "Mooommmmm.... I want to play computer gaaaaammmeees.... nowwwww..", along with a few swift kicks to my back as he decides that's the best way to gain my attention. Which of course, we all know what happens when you say NO to the whiney, whimpery voice of a 3yr old.
Meltdown.
All within the very first moments of being shocked out of dreamland and forced into reality.
The potion mixture is officially brown, smelly, and slowly starting to bubble.
The next thing to add are the strong threats and negotiations to stop said 3yr old from blowing up into his own evil twin. He decides to leave and I'm back asleep before I even allow myself to think realistically what it means to have a toddler loose in the house.
A few dashes of a pooping child are the next thing to throw into the mix. Thankfully, he is independent enough to do this on the toilet by himself. With some yelling of instructions from 'sleeping' me. Sure enough, I stumble out of bed to do the official bum wipe. Nothing says "Your day is going to be AWESOME!" when the first actually physical activity you complete is wiping someone else's poopy bum. Yes.
The mixture is staying at a low bubble, still smelly and brown, but has been held off by a content child in front of cartoons. This should buy me some time, and the ability to start over.
This moment doesn't last long enough before the hungry, ravenous child demands breakfast and for you to GET UP. Fine. This is not the only thing he demands. Every single morning, he asks if I am going to put my hair up. Yes, of course I am, I do every morning. Its in my face, all full of sleep static, its going up. Another meltdown begins.
The mixture is now black and at a full, rolling boil.
Pull it together kid, I put my hair up everyday! Do you not have any memory of this? Do we have to deal with this EVERY SINGLE DAY?!?! Do you NEED to be on the floor, flopping around, crying? Do you WANT to go back to bed? I sure as hell do! GAH! Its JUST HAIR and its MINE! So deal with it!
(Note: When Super Mommy is around, she explains in a sweet, understanding voice why she likes her hair up. And then using the skills of distraction, draws the child's attention to something else. The Evil One? Likes to argue.)
A few more whiney demands and ridiculous questions... 'hold my hand, carry me, give me a hug... why is that blue, why is it morning, where's daddy'... that's all the mixture needs...
*POOF*
The EVIL ONE is in full force.
I don't think I need to go into how breakfast went down... it wasn't pretty.
Now that I have a few moments to myself, coffee is consumed, the Evil One has slowly shrunken back down, replaced by Normal Mommy. We're not quite yet at Super status... and perhaps we won't even get there today, I'm happy with Normal.
Perhaps after reading this you're thinking, by golly, you should have been at MY house this morning, it was SO MUCH WORSE. Yup, it probably was. Looking back, things could be so much worse and I probably do have it easy. But each and everyone of us have a different tolerance level that fluctuates from day to day. Something that appears to you as 'easy' may just be the tipping point for me... and vise versa.
As Mothers I think this is one of the hardest things to recognize within ourselves... that we are only human. We can't have it all together, every single moment of the day, as much as we want or desire to (or expect ourselves to!). Being a Mother comes with needing a lot of grace and gentleness for ourselves. Each day we are growing as a person, stretching, learning, changing and this process reveals itself differently in each moment. Plus, it doesn't help that our children are little mirrors.. revealing to us our TRUE selves, the parts we don't always want to see. By just knowing that there will be moments when I will get it 'just right' and other moments that are 'epic fails', I can allow myself the grace and self-love to move through those moments. For that is all they are. Moments. Soon they are over and a new one arises, so what am I going to do with the new moment? Perhaps the Evil One is still there in the new moment, and for the next few moments, but I know she cannot last forever. Her life span is short, soon Normal Mommy will take over, breathing new life into the situation, allowing for more light and love to be present. Perhaps we might even see a glimpse of Super Mommy... in an extra hug, or a crafty craft, or the building of a fort in the basement. Those are good moments, but it is also impossible to live constantly as Super Mommy. Normal Mommy is much more...well... Normal. She has her good moments, she has her bad.. but she is the easiest to live with. She is the one that I am learning to love the most.
2 comments:
after reading this...I think MY Evil One maybe an only child...sigh
my poor children :)
Super Mommy is a bit hard to live with too, hey? She holds everything just as tightly as that bitch Evil Mommy. To be honest I think Evil and Super are two sides to the very same coin. Both teetering on the edge... ready to snap at any time. Normal Mommy, as you have called her, goes by many names... but the one I like best is Authentic. She's never trying to be something she ain't. Never trying to hold it in like a too-tight-fitting corset. She lets it all hang out. She never gets anything "right". She just GETS IT.
Post a Comment