This time? This time I feeeeeeeeel it.
The intensity is so great that it brings me to tears.
As I look around my house, tallying up the multiple things that need to be done, the cupboards that need to be cleaned, the piles of randomness that need organizing, the baby things that are needed, the laundry that must be washed, the windows that are dingy, the garden that requires tending... I am exhausted and I haven't even begun. It's the overwhelming need to be done everything, for everything to be in its place, spic and span, and it brings me to my knees.
In that place is where I realize the massive change that is creeping upon us. In a moment, it will never be us three again. It will be as if we have always been a family of four and its a bitter-sweet realization. Perhaps in those moments of having to let go of all the 'physical' tasks that I feel need to be done, I am also beginning to let go of what this family has been, slowly opening up to what it will be. That being said, I am still deeply holding on, frantically grasping for each delicious moment before we are changed forever.
The foundation that we have been living on is beginning to rumble, preparing for the massive shift of birth of this babe to take place. The rumblings are soft at the moment, but soon they will be hard to ignore. The call will come, the time will be just right, and I will have to lay everything down to complete the journey to greet my little one.
For this moment, I am going to just breathe... and fold some laundry.
3 comments:
Well put. I suppose the need to nest is stronger as there is so much more realization as to what is to come. It's the ol' have "it all together" syndrome that we humor ourselves with as if in some way we can control and maintain how we have managed so far. Yet, as change happens so also does our ability to embrace it. Remember ..you will always be prepared for the things that come your way, so there is no real point to try and hold on to what is.
Well put. I suppose nesting is always stronger when we realize the impact of birth. The understanding of how things will change seems to propel us to try and hold on....as in some strange way we feel we finally have got it down to a science....yet...knowing that as change happens so does your ability to embrace it grow stronger. I am glad that you see your nesting urges for what they really are...as you are preparing internally alot more than externally.
wow!!! it's that time already!!?
Nesting is so fun isn't it!?
sending well wishes your way my friend :)
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